








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 155 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1012 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,031 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 734 | 36% |
| Smokes | 683 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 328 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 286 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $322,655 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 197 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | edd | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Descimo | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | LAWL! | 53% | 17 |
| #4 | Deku_Jin | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | boser | 49% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | OE10x2 | 44% | 73 |
| #9 | Myass | 31% | 13 |
| #10 | Zerospace | 30% | 10 |
| #11 | Brais | 17% | 6 |
| #12 | Tomo | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | boser | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Myass | 3 | 0.0115 |
| #4 | Deku_Jin | 2 | 0.0076 |
| #5 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 269 | 0.28 | 6 min |
| #2 | boser | 230 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | OE10x2 | 175 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 170 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| #5 | LAWL! | 46 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Harry Maguire | +0.48 | 58 | 49 |
| #2 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | +0.22 | 61 | 53 |
| #3 | boser | +0.04 | 54 | 46 |
| #4 | OE10x2 | -0.03 | 57 | 57 |
| #5 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | -0.07 | 63 | 54 |





