








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 452 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 387 matches | ||
| Faceit | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5505 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,517 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3630 | 22% |
| Smokes | 5855 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 4286 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2746 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,756,185 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chijiage | 55% | 51 |
| #2 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 55% | 53 |
| #3 | Uber Eats | 55% | 77 |
| #4 | LAWL! | 54% | 115 |
| #5 | boser | 52% | 172 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Deku_Jin | 47% | 76 |
| #8 | Descimo | 47% | 49 |
| #9 | Myass | 45% | 100 |
| #10 | Harry Maguire | 44% | 73 |
| #11 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 43% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deku_Jin | 9 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Myass | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | LAWL! | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | boser | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 5 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boser | 513 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 500 | 0.27 | 12 min |
| #3 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 319 | 0.28 | 7 min |
| #4 | LAWL! | 251 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | Myass | 242 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | +1.22 | 63 | 60 |
| #2 | OE10x2 | +1.06 | 62 | 58 |
| #3 | LAWL! | +0.78 | 74 | 44 |
| #4 | Harry Maguire | +0.39 | 60 | 52 |
| #5 | boser | -0.27 | 56 | 49 |





