








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 808 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 263 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 113 matches | ||
| Faceit | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 44 matches | ||
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9633 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,963 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6938 | 27% |
| Smokes | 8045 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 4673 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 6307 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,307,547 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 227 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matty | 73% | 177 |
| #2 | tej | 70% | 93 |
| #3 | The Constipated | 67% | 45 |
| #4 | F1UNK™ | 64% | 363 |
| #5 | Adept | 64% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Vantage | 59% | 111 |
| #9 | Pat | 57% | 58 |
| #10 | EggSalad | 57% | 51 |
| #11 | Fflew | 55% | 67 |
| #12 | nike | 53% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | English | 13 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Fflew | 11 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | Pat | 7 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | tej | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | F1UNK™ | 5 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | English | 1170 | 0.19 | 30 min |
| #2 | F1UNK™ | 776 | 0.10 | 22 min |
| #3 | Vantage | 413 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #4 | Adept | 393 | 0.23 | 8 min |
| #5 | Fflew | 283 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tej | +3.90 | 81 | 63 |
| #2 | Aloof | +2.47 | 85 | 63 |
| #3 | F1UNK™ | +2.12 | 93 | 55 |
| #4 | English | +1.83 | 80 | 58 |
| #5 | flux | +1.54 | 80 | 57 |





