








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 223 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 196 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2986 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,281 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1227 | 17% |
| Smokes | 3442 | 47% |
| HE Grenades | 1432 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1180 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,341,255 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 258 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | broken | 50% | 36 |
| #2 | Straw | 49% | 196 |
| #3 | Rewind Monkey | 48% | 233 |
| #4 | VAsCo | 48% | 94 |
| #5 | Skamboy | 47% | 136 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Rewind Monkey | 48% | 233 |
| #4 | VAsCo | 48% | 94 |
| #5 | Skamboy | 47% | 136 |
| #6 | h8_u | 46% | 85 |
| #7 | Stick Man | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rewind Monkey | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | h8_u | 11 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | Straw | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Skamboy | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | broken | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skamboy | 510 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | Straw | 466 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #3 | VAsCo | 154 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | h8_u | 145 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Rewind Monkey | 96 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ned Flanders | +2.77 | 69 | 58 |
| #2 | Stick Man | +1.56 | 66 | 78 |
| #3 | VAsCo | +1.09 | 61 | 55 |
| #4 | Straw | +0.11 | 46 | 71 |
| #5 | broken | -0.82 | 25 | 48 |





