








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1024 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 229 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3319 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,341 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2007 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2058 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1934 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1342 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,652,768 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2280 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Straw | 53% | 40 |
| #2 | k. | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | Skamboy | 48% | 46 |
| #4 | Rewind Monkey | 47% | 107 |
| #5 | Ned Flanders | 46% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | k. | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | Skamboy | 48% | 46 |
| #4 | Rewind Monkey | 47% | 107 |
| #5 | Ned Flanders | 46% | 85 |
| #6 | broken | 44% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rewind Monkey | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Ned Flanders | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Skamboy | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Straw | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | broken | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skamboy | 289 | 0.30 | 8 min |
| #2 | Straw | 143 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | Ned Flanders | 113 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Rewind Monkey | 59 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | k. | 58 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ned Flanders | +2.75 | 64 | 60 |
| #2 | h8_u | +0.84 | 57 | 51 |
| #3 | k. | +0.44 | 59 | 64 |
| #4 | Straw | +0.12 | 41 | 67 |
| #5 | Skamboy | -0.52 | 37 | 69 |





