








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 463 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 233 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 111 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2134 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,075 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 600 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1250 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2169 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 1056 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,783,429 of utility $247 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 369 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | broken | 54% | 50 |
| #2 | VAsCo | 49% | 90 |
| #3 | Ned Flanders | 48% | 233 |
| #4 | Skamboy | 47% | 134 |
| #5 | h8_u | 47% | 107 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ned Flanders | 48% | 233 |
| #4 | Skamboy | 47% | 134 |
| #5 | h8_u | 47% | 107 |
| #6 | Straw | 45% | 185 |
| #7 | Jelly Brainlet | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | h8_u | 14 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | Straw | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Ned Flanders | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Skamboy | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | broken | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skamboy | 508 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #2 | Straw | 471 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #3 | Ned Flanders | 253 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | h8_u | 207 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | VAsCo | 143 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ned Flanders | +2.49 | 68 | 58 |
| #2 | VAsCo | +1.01 | 62 | 58 |
| #3 | Straw | +0.39 | 42 | 73 |
| #4 | broken | -0.45 | 29 | 53 |
| #5 | Rewind Monkey | -0.98 | 62 | 41 |





