








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 230 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 201 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2979 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,537 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6294 | 43% |
| Smokes | 4006 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2211 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2026 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $278,719 of utility $31 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 675 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vibbo | 46% | 166 |
| #2 | Tuffs | 44% | 224 |
| #3 | Piemaker! | 44% | 217 |
| #4 | ReaPer | 43% | 90 |
| #5 | TheRealLynx | 42% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tuffs | 8 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | TheRealLynx | 8 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Piemaker! | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | ReaPer | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | vibbo | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SMlLE | 527 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | Piemaker! | 476 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | vibbo | 380 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #4 | Tuffs | 341 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #5 | TheRealLynx | 118 | 0.07 | 3 min |





