








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 421 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 428 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 85 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3598 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,045 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5757 | 34% |
| Smokes | 4333 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4590 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2365 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,327,404 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 252 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Groeggᶠᵘᶜᵏ | 71% | 68 |
| #2 | jSW ❥ Glasha ⛟ | 61% | 46 |
| #3 | PlaskBlöt | 55% | 60 |
| #4 | Gunnar | 51% | 215 |
| #5 | Balletask | 49% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Groeggᶠᵘᶜᵏ | 26 | 0.0182 |
| #2 | Gunnar | 11 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | skyper | 9 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Gunnar | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Skibidisvinis | 4 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gunnar | 518 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #2 | skyper | 326 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | Groeggᶠᵘᶜᵏ | 244 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | PlaskBlöt | 190 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | Gunnar | 143 | 0.12 | 3 min |





