








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 155 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 245 matches | ||
| Esplay | 8 matches | 1,461 | |
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2264 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,915 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1264 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1343 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1735 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1573 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,146,552 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 59 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gunnar | 61% | 31 |
| #2 | Xpredate^ | 55% | 73 |
| #3 | MR.VIDEPIDE | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | _𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖆⛧ | 52% | 46 |
| #5 | Farbror Bosse | 52% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skyper | 306 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | Groeggᶠᵘᶜᵏ | 207 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Gunnar | 136 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Yellow | 125 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | jSW ❥ Glasha ⛟ | 105 | 0.14 | 2 min |





