








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 433 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1374 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,443 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 916 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1130 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1434 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 963 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $717,395 of utility $225 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1933 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coconutty | 53% | 19 |
| #2 | Crickett | 52% | 60 |
| #3 | steezeburger | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | SeB | 46% | 39 |
| #5 | The Captain | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coconutty | 53% | 19 |
| #2 | Crickett | 52% | 60 |
| #3 | steezeburger | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | SeB | 46% | 39 |
| #5 | The Captain | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crickett | 11 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | coconutty | 5 | 0.0130 |
| #3 | SeB | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | steezeburger | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | The Captain | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SeB | 199 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #2 | Crickett | 31 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | The Captain | 18 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | steezeburger | 12 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | coconutty | 8 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crickett | +1.41 | 53 | 38 |
| +0.20 | 45 | 64 | ||
| #3 | SeB | -0.15 | 58 | 63 |
| #4 | coconutty | -2.45 | 24 | 36 |
| #5 | The Captain | -2.59 | 19 | 42 |





