








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 309 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 195 matches | ||
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3013 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,536 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2096 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2753 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2362 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2325 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $493,210 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 301 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eNd | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | UKWaffles | 63% | 40 |
| #3 | Jamomin | 61% | 28 |
| #4 | ★Oblivion★ | 57% | 83 |
| #5 | Clarence Claymore | 54% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | UKWaffles | 63% | 40 |
| #3 | Jamomin | 61% | 28 |
| #4 | ★Oblivion★ | 57% | 83 |
| #5 | Clarence Claymore | 54% | 125 |
| #6 | Joshum1 | 49% | 220 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joshum1 | 34 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Clarence Claymore | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | ★Oblivion★ | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | UKWaffles | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Jamomin | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joshum1 | 534 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #2 | Clarence Claymore | 157 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | ★Oblivion★ | 140 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Jamomin | 121 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | UKWaffles | 83 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joshum1 | +0.98 | 78 | 62 |
| #2 | Hubert | +0.59 | 62 | 55 |
| #3 | UKWaffles | -0.09 | 81 | 50 |
| #4 | Jamomin | -0.16 | 61 | 73 |
| #5 | eNd | -0.23 | 71 | 54 |





