








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 330 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 172 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1131 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,937 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1141 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1626 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2103 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2067 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $505,640 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StinkyBananaX | 53% | 43 |
| #2 | Chalasor | 46% | 136 |
| #3 | LA SEÑORA X (AXP326) | 45% | 124 |
| #4 | 1000 | 37% | 27 |
| #5 | Madvillainy (2004)™ | 35% | 164 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Chalasor | 46% | 136 |
| #3 | LA SEÑORA X (AXP326) | 45% | 124 |
| #4 | 1000 | 37% | 27 |
| #5 | Madvillainy (2004)™ | 35% | 164 |
| #6 | hBk^^ | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LA SEÑORA X (AXP326) | 27 | 0.0114 |
| #2 | Chalasor | 9 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | StinkyBananaX | 6 | 0.0077 |
| #4 | Madvillainy (2004)™ | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | 1000 | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chalasor | 419 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #2 | LA SEÑORA X (AXP326) | 403 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | Madvillainy (2004)™ | 291 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | StinkyBananaX | 188 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #5 | 1000 | 111 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1000 | +9.35 | 61 | 66 |
| #2 | Chalasor | +7.19 | 55 | 70 |
| #3 | StinkyBananaX | +6.72 | 60 | 62 |
| #4 | LA SEÑORA X (AXP326) | -1.41 | 14 | 58 |
| #5 | hBk^^ | -3.66 | 26 | 52 |





