








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 332 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 209 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3316 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,004 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3641 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2694 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3194 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2475 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $869,097 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 863 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Harambe's Brother | 63% | 19 |
| #2 | MRTN | 60% | 45 |
| #3 | matisselur | 57% | 21 |
| #4 | Eljias | 55% | 277 |
| #5 | ✪ Yuhn | 55% | 263 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | matisselur | 57% | 21 |
| #4 | Eljias | 55% | 277 |
| #5 | ✪ Yuhn | 55% | 263 |
| #6 | Brun | 54% | 50 |
| #7 | Nikk_S | 53% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Yuhn | 31 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Nikk_S | 13 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Eljias | 11 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | MRTN | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Harambe's Brother | 2 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Yuhn | 743 | 0.14 | 20 min |
| #2 | Eljias | 330 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #3 | Nikk_S | 186 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Brun | 122 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Harambe's Brother | 53 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jokkatelli | +2.00 | 83 | 72 |
| #2 | Eljias | +1.98 | 86 | 58 |
| #3 | ✪ Yuhn | -0.40 | 82 | 61 |
| #4 | Harambe's Brother | -1.25 | 79 | 51 |
| #5 | MRTN | -2.28 | 83 | 56 |





