








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
316 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,312 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 109 | 8% |
| Smokes | 350 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 499 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 354 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $139,457 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thanos | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Huh | 100% | 5 |
| #3 | ✪ Yuhn | 64% | 50 |
| #4 | Eljias | 62% | 42 |
| #5 | Jokkatelli | 60% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ✪ Yuhn | 64% | 50 |
| #4 | Eljias | 62% | 42 |
| #5 | Jokkatelli | 60% | 45 |
| #6 | Brun | 57% | 7 |
| #7 | Nikk_S | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Yuhn | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Nikk_S | 2 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | Jokkatelli | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Huh | 1 | 0.0118 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Yuhn | 138 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Jokkatelli | 113 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Eljias | 55 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Nikk_S | 25 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Brun | 25 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thanos | +7.29 | 80 | 62 |
| #2 | Huh | +4.37 | 90 | 31 |
| #3 | Eljias | +3.59 | 88 | 61 |
| #4 | Jokkatelli | +2.92 | 85 | 69 |
| #5 | ✪ Yuhn | -0.07 | 78 | 61 |





