








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 483 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 353 matches | ||
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4339 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,125 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2875 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2794 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1674 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2782 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,414,078 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 466 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | risen | 58% | 72 |
| #2 | OnSamander | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | Lucid | 55% | 31 |
| #4 | Owly | 55% | 132 |
| #5 | savage | 53% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Husky | 47% | 57 |
| #9 | real milk | 41% | 44 |
| #10 | E-Grill | 41% | 27 |
| #11 | 1991 never happened | 40% | 75 |
| #12 | Tommy Wiseau | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | real milk | 22 | 0.0253 |
| #2 | Duzz | 20 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Tommy Wiseau | 8 | 0.0175 |
| #4 | savage | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | DysexlicStoner240 | 3 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Duzz | 629 | 0.11 | 16 min |
| #2 | savage | 291 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #3 | DysexlicStoner240 | 264 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | risen | 221 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | Owly | 204 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tommy Wiseau | +2.76 | 90 | 36 |
| #2 | risen | +2.45 | 77 | 65 |
| #3 | DysexlicStoner240 | +1.94 | 88 | 59 |
| #4 | OnSamander | +1.34 | 67 | 51 |
| #5 | Owly | +0.85 | 82 | 59 |





