








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
796 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,969 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 369 | 19% |
| Smokes | 704 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 330 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 566 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $426,277 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cuck | 46% | 28 |
| #2 | Pooky | 40% | 52 |
| #3 | knad1a | 40% | 10 |
| #4 | Doyl | 36% | 14 |
| #5 | Downfall | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | knad1a | 40% | 10 |
| #4 | Doyl | 36% | 14 |
| #5 | Downfall | 31% | 16 |
| #6 | herb | 29% | 17 |
| #7 | knoK | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pooky | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Doyl | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pooky | 165 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Cuck | 124 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #3 | knoK | 34 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Doyl | 33 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | herb | 30 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cuck | +3.76 | 75 | 72 |
| #2 | knoK | +2.77 | 81 | 60 |
| #3 | Doyl | +2.30 | 77 | 43 |
| #4 | Pooky | +1.59 | 72 | 67 |
| #5 | herb | +0.00 | 71 | 55 |





