








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 465 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 622 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4697 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,762 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1553 | 11% |
| Smokes | 6170 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 3544 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3495 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,606,279 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 783 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joellus Spastikus | 49% | 47 |
| #2 | KURZEHOSEHOLZGEWEHR | 48% | 44 |
| #3 | oterlad | 46% | 137 |
| #4 | λ§λ
Έμ | 46% | 114 |
| #5 | Petri | 45% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oterlad | 441 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | Goldjunge Elias | 354 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | Kai der Brecher | 294 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | Stormbrìnger | 288 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #5 | OG Jesus | 250 | 0.04 | 7 min |





