










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1384 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 379 matches | ||
| Faceit | 269 matches | ||
| Esplay | 143 matches | 1,789 | |
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 126 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8329 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,623 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7121 | 24% |
| Smokes | 7071 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8716 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 6715 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,467,937 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 286 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ►Jever◄ | 61% | 59 |
| #2 | polz | 53% | 164 |
| #3 | AndersDrogba | 53% | 102 |
| #4 | GaggE | 52% | 65 |
| #5 | Extnat ⛟ | 51% | 327 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | JBCn1 | 48% | 97 |
| #10 | Lurpak | 47% | 293 |
| #11 | Smoggy Toast | 47% | 137 |
| #12 | Schlobster | 46% | 50 |
| #13 | Kjerne | 46% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Extnat ⛟ | 22 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | AndersDrogba | 22 | 0.0097 |
| #3 | Lurpak | 15 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Zitaogr | 15 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Smoggy Toast | 6 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lurpak | 838 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #2 | Zitaogr | 555 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #3 | Extnat ⛟ | 399 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| #4 | AndersDrogba | 381 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #5 | ►Jever◄ | 294 | 0.25 | 8 min |





