








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1930 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 268 matches | ||
| Esplay | 192 matches | 2,129 | |
| Faceit | 163 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 26 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8075 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,585 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2784 | 15% |
| Smokes | 5814 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 4778 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 5209 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,362,639 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1125 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schlobster | 59% | 39 |
| #2 | Tjorben | 55% | 104 |
| #3 | polz | 55% | 55 |
| #4 | Snej | 53% | 119 |
| #5 | AndersDrogba | 53% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Acozin☃ (个_个) | 19 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | AndersDrogba | 19 | 0.0104 |
| #3 | Zitaogr | 10 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Lurpak | 9 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Snej | 6 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Acozin☃ (个_个) | 735 | 0.11 | 16 min |
| #2 | Lurpak | 627 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #3 | Zitaogr | 445 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #4 | AndersDrogba | 260 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #5 | Tjorben | 251 | 0.11 | 5 min |





