








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 236 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 433 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,729 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1725 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2306 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 4568 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 4130 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,747,553 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | [M]oron | 49% | 45 |
| #8 | Heist 上海斗战胜佛 Otter | 49% | 39 |
| #9 | Savitar | 46% | 46 |
| #10 | Remo | 45% | 64 |
| #11 | Diq Of The Asian (DOTA) | 44% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AcidResh | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | a b y s s a l | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | FatFatOtter | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | [M]oron | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | TrumP-anti.woke-45.47 | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Diq Of The Asian (DOTA) | 334 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #2 | PetPetOtter | 298 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #3 | FatFatOtter | 267 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #4 | a b y s s a l | 157 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Heist 上海斗战胜佛 Otter | 146 | 0.18 | 4 min |





