








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 430 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 96 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1723 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,858 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2608 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1437 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1179 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1634 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $564,722 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 598 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kettu! | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | rei | 53% | 17 |
| #3 | gob | 48% | 33 |
| #4 | darianlul | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | Sus Shiber* | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | voltage | 36% | 11 |
| #8 | 👁 | 35% | 26 |
| #9 | _BmS_ | 33% | 12 |
| #10 | ItsCuurt | 33% | 27 |
| #11 | T1ck | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rei | 7 | 0.0177 |
| #2 | darianlul | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | gob | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | _BmS_ | 2 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | T1ck | 1 | 0.0042 |





