








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 168 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1119 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,105 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1904 | 37% |
| Smokes | 833 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1443 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 925 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $224,746 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Quorra420 | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | jumpstop✔ | 45% | 65 |
| #6 | McFresh | 44% | 54 |
| #7 | Noah | 17% | 6 |
| #8 | Bubbles | 0% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | McFresh | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | ph420✓ | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | jumpstop✔ | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | jesus khan | 1 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | Quorra420 | 1 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ph420✓ | 176 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | jumpstop✔ | 134 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | McFresh | 56 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Bubbles | 36 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #5 | Quorra420 | 35 | 0.25 | 1 min |





