








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 383 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 256 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2857 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4595 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2326 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 4226 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2124 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $994,565 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 50 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | arqis | 45% | 40 |
| #8 | Nicolas Cage | 44% | 158 |
| #9 | gkgamers | 43% | 69 |
| #10 | Shumar | 43% | 122 |
| #11 | Juicy | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | collins | 10 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | kernsp3cht51 | 10 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | FuNk | 9 | 0.0059 |
| #4 | gkgamers | 8 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Nicolas Cage | 6 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | collins | 405 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | FuNk | 340 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #3 | Nicolas Cage | 333 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | gkgamers | 232 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #5 | Dr.Sinep | 176 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Herr Bergsteiger | +4.62 | 84 | 52 |
| #2 | FuNk | +3.46 | 86 | 67 |
| #3 | Dr.Sinep | +2.56 | 75 | 68 |
| #4 | kernsp3cht51 | +2.42 | 79 | 61 |
| #5 | Nicolas Cage | +1.47 | 65 | 62 |





