








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
259 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 597 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 95 | 16% |
| Smokes | 162 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 212 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 128 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $92,248 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAGIC MONKEY | 100% | 4 |
| #2 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 89% | 9 |
| #3 | Drewbert | 75% | 4 |
| #4 | Acetone [11] | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | aL | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Acetone [11] | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | aL | 50% | 2 |
| #6 | Tiltz_ | 37% | 19 |
| #7 | Lars | 25% | 8 |
| #8 | Tales | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAGIC MONKEY | 4 | 0.0541 |
| #2 | Tiltz_ | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiltz_ | 133 | 0.35 | 3 min |
| #2 | Lars | 27 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | MAGIC MONKEY | 13 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| #4 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 7 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Acetone [11] | 2 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAGIC MONKEY | +8.91 | 87 | 68 |
| #2 | aL | +3.92 | 94 | 7 |
| #3 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | +1.55 | 80 | 66 |
| #4 | Tiltz_ | +1.19 | 74 | 67 |
| #5 | Tales | -0.13 | 63 | 58 |





