








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 84 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1190 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,923 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1212 | 31% |
| Smokes | 614 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1235 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 862 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $777,189 of utility $237 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 376 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Sii | 54% | 26 |
| #8 | :3 | 52% | 116 |
| #9 | King | 50% | 44 |
| #10 | Sticky | 36% | 11 |
| #11 | hockeynoodles | 30% | 10 |





