








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 121 matches | ||
| Faceit | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2397 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,325 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2915 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2161 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2728 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1521 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $778,283 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 127 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 46% | 74 |
| #11 | dozer_____davee | 44% | 162 |
| #12 | testicular | 38% | 40 |
| #13 | CHaloupa batman | 37% | 43 |
| #14 | Creamland™ | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | 9 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | dozer_____davee | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 7 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | morty | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | swish | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | 1105 | 0.27 | 30 min |
| #2 | dozer_____davee | 504 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #3 | morty | 367 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | swish | 200 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | BigXThaPlug | 165 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | morty | +1.57 | 80 | 68 |
| #2 | Nooby Booby | +1.46 | 73 | 72 |
| #3 | dozer_____davee | +0.15 | 63 | 66 |
| #4 | BigXThaPlug | +0.06 | 68 | 63 |
| #5 | swish | -0.13 | 71 | 64 |





