








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 355 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Faceit | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5905 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,838 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4891 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3047 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 4229 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3671 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,626,394 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 158 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHaloupa batman | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | swish | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Nooby Booby | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | dozer_____davee | 5 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | 1137 | 0.26 | 31 min |
| #2 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 586 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #3 | swish | 573 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #4 | dozer_____davee | 423 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #5 | CHaloupa batman | 406 | 0.08 | 6 min |





