








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1172 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 310 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3652 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,264 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 247 | 5% |
| Smokes | 2062 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1443 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1512 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,672,269 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 226 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Dangerous | 45% | 199 |
| #9 | samwell | 45% | 133 |
| #10 | _bitxhb | 44% | 115 |
| #11 | Sassy The Simp | 42% | 24 |
| #12 | Flobo | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Syret | 10 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Cennie | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Dangerous | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | The Devil | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | SirPepi | 3 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Syret | 562 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #2 | The Devil | 486 | 0.26 | 13 min |
| #3 | Dangerous | 466 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #4 | samwell | 330 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #5 | Cennie | 142 | 0.06 | 3 min |





