








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1185 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,285 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 703 | 31% |
| Smokes | 552 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 555 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 475 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $491,985 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BamBamCam | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 81% | 16 |
| #3 | Mr. Frown | 80% | 10 |
| #4 | Paintball Dave | 78% | 18 |
| #5 | fukyoumean!!!! | 70% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Jaw | 57% | 47 |
| #10 | Prestone® Antifreeze | 55% | 20 |
| #11 | Reacher | 50% | 8 |
| #12 | ketoky friechik | 47% | 17 |
| #13 | cgar | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paintball Dave | 5 | 0.0141 |
| #2 | ketoky friechik | 3 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | BamBamCam | 3 | 0.0134 |
| #4 | cgar | 2 | 0.0081 |
| #5 | fukyoumean!!!! | 2 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 59 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #2 | Teenis Envy | 52 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Paintball Dave | 44 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | ketoky friechik | 31 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jaw | 28 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paintball Dave | +10.48 | 92 | 63 |
| #2 | fukyoumean!!!! | +2.50 | 79 | 55 |
| #3 | Jaw | +1.62 | 79 | 51 |
| #4 | Teenis Envy | +1.17 | 63 | 62 |
| #5 | ketoky friechik | +1.01 | 68 | 52 |





