








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 478 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 189 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3313 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,975 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 372 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1016 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1196 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 391 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $707,985 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Demon King Von | 48% | 33 |
| #2 | fran♡ | 46% | 26 |
| #3 | Chad Thundercock | 44% | 241 |
| #4 | oi vey | 43% | 89 |
| #5 | squideum | 41% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | oi vey | 43% | 89 |
| #5 | squideum | 41% | 61 |
| #6 | scoutie | 41% | 122 |
| #7 | Pornald Hubbard | 38% | 65 |
| #8 | lovesick | 26% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chad Thundercock | 107 | 0.0223 |
| #2 | scoutie | 21 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | Demon King Von | 19 | 0.0299 |
| #4 | oi vey | 14 | 0.0081 |
| #5 | squideum | 12 | 0.0102 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chad Thundercock | 269 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #2 | oi vey | 215 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Demon King Von | 47 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | scoutie | 41 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Pornald Hubbard | 31 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oi vey | +2.20 | 48 | 61 |
| #2 | Demon King Von | +1.64 | 16 | 32 |
| #3 | Chad Thundercock | +0.07 | 23 | 38 |
| #4 | squideum | -0.36 | 33 | 13 |
| #5 | canadianninja4 | -1.12 | 23 | 17 |





