








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 869 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 296 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




273 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4620 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,944 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2771 | 19% |
| Smokes | 4028 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4122 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4023 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,004,088 of utility $216 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 560 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | canadianninja4 | 44% | 241 |
| #2 | gold plated marlboro cigarette | 43% | 46 |
| #3 | fran♡ | 43% | 86 |
| #4 | oi vey | 43% | 80 |
| #5 | scoutie | 37% | 172 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | fran♡ | 43% | 86 |
| #4 | oi vey | 43% | 80 |
| #5 | scoutie | 37% | 172 |
| #6 | squideum | 35% | 110 |
| #7 | lovesick | 19% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | canadianninja4 | 30 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | scoutie | 27 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | squideum | 27 | 0.0128 |
| #4 | oi vey | 16 | 0.0105 |
| #5 | gold plated marlboro cigarette | 5 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oi vey | 183 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | fran♡ | 57 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #3 | canadianninja4 | 54 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #4 | gold plated marlboro cigarette | 37 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | scoutie | 33 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gold plated marlboro cigarette | +1.99 | 47 | 24 |
| #2 | oi vey | +1.25 | 46 | 54 |
| #3 | Chad Thundercock | -0.01 | 22 | 40 |
| #4 | canadianninja4 | -1.35 | 21 | 16 |
| #5 | squideum | -1.79 | 32 | 11 |





