








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 190 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 120 matches | ||
| Wingman | 95 matches | ||
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3057 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,157 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3281 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2854 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2615 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3407 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $557,193 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nLite | 78% | 23 |
| #2 | 09manny90 | 73% | 26 |
| #3 | deepforce123 | 60% | 48 |
| #4 | sexual lubricant phone | 57% | 208 |
| #5 | Amzsyy | 57% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | sexual lubricant phone | 57% | 208 |
| #5 | Amzsyy | 57% | 51 |
| #6 | Jacks | 54% | 232 |
| #7 | JaSaTo | 53% | 131 |
| #8 | Galileo | 51% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sexual lubricant phone | 11 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Jacks | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Galileo | 10 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | JaSaTo | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Amzsyy | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sexual lubricant phone | 860 | 0.21 | 18 min |
| #2 | Jacks | 591 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #3 | JaSaTo | 527 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #4 | Galileo | 372 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #5 | deepforce123 | 164 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swoub | +2.67 | 71 | 74 |
| #2 | nLite | +1.92 | 85 | 35 |
| #3 | JaSaTo | +1.64 | 72 | 69 |
| #4 | deepforce123 | +0.27 | 56 | 69 |
| #5 | Galileo | -0.29 | 59 | 59 |





