








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 306 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
675 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,364 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1535 | 65% |
| Smokes | 403 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 124 | 5% |
| Molotovs | 302 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $251,503 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | danyang0108 | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | boser | 56% | 59 |
| #3 | OE10x2 | 55% | 53 |
| #4 | Uber Eats | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 49% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Uber Eats | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 49% | 51 |
| #6 | edd | 47% | 15 |
| #7 | Harry Maguire | 46% | 28 |
| #8 | Brais | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 6 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | edd | 3 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | boser | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Harry Maguire | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 335 | 0.31 | 8 min |
| #2 | OE10x2 | 243 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #3 | boser | 232 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #4 | Harry Maguire | 68 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | edd | 49 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | danyang0108 | +3.86 | 62 | 71 |
| #2 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | +1.07 | 63 | 59 |
| #3 | OE10x2 | +0.48 | 60 | 63 |
| #4 | boser | +0.20 | 53 | 50 |
| #5 | Harry Maguire | -0.06 | 56 | 54 |





