








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
981 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,922 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 307 | 16% |
| Smokes | 511 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 376 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 728 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $231,653 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cooper DeJawn | 50% | 6 |
| #2 | KUBA | 48% | 88 |
| #3 | xxajpmxx | 47% | 85 |
| #4 | The Rizzler | 43% | 42 |
| #5 | TallJordan | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | xxajpmxx | 47% | 85 |
| #4 | The Rizzler | 43% | 42 |
| #5 | TallJordan | 39% | 23 |
| #6 | Llama Boy | 38% | 56 |
| #7 | Creamy G | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Rizzler | 8 | 0.0091 |
| #2 | xxajpmxx | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | TallJordan | 5 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | KUBA | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Llama Boy | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xxajpmxx | 117 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | Llama Boy | 93 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | The Rizzler | 84 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | KUBA | 62 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | TallJordan | 42 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cooper DeJawn | +4.77 | 81 | 56 |
| #2 | Ana1ButtPlug | +2.69 | 57 | 45 |
| #3 | Llama Boy | +0.69 | 55 | 46 |
| #4 | xxajpmxx | -1.09 | 65 | 42 |
| #5 | KUBA | -1.79 | 46 | 36 |





