








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 187 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
646 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 373 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 85 | 23% |
| Smokes | 63 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 115 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 110 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $150,791 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cooper DeJawn | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | KUBA | 40% | 75 |
| #3 | Ana1ButtPlug | 31% | 13 |
| #4 | xxajpmxx | 30% | 20 |
| #5 | TallJordan | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ana1ButtPlug | 31% | 13 |
| #4 | xxajpmxx | 30% | 20 |
| #5 | TallJordan | 28% | 18 |
| #6 | Llama Boy | 27% | 26 |
| #7 | The Rizzler | 10% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xxajpmxx | 3 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Ana1ButtPlug | 3 | 0.0116 |
| #3 | The Rizzler | 3 | 0.0150 |
| #4 | Cooper DeJawn | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | TallJordan | 2 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cooper DeJawn | 97 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | KUBA | 66 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | xxajpmxx | 37 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Llama Boy | 20 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | TallJordan | 16 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cooper DeJawn | +7.65 | 84 | 56 |
| #2 | Ana1ButtPlug | +2.06 | 43 | 35 |
| #3 | Llama Boy | +1.73 | 55 | 36 |
| #4 | KUBA | -0.40 | 61 | 32 |
| #5 | xxajpmxx | -1.86 | 51 | 44 |





