








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 206 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2679 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,553 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1889 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2099 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2048 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1517 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,359,222 of utility $227 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coffee | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | HaZeExE | 55% | 22 |
| #3 | Reece | 53% | 73 |
| #4 | Tea | 50% | 216 |
| #5 | Jenbob | 49% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MegaGamer420 | 62 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | Tea | 37 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | Reece | 16 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | FISH♿ | 9 | 0.0142 |
| #5 | Jenbob | 7 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MegaGamer420 | 411 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #2 | Tea | 160 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #3 | Reece | 133 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Hindsight | 90 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Zero | 86 | 0.12 | 2 min |





