








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 354 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 177 matches | ||
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3981 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,424 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7059 | 33% |
| Smokes | 6747 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3836 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3782 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $463,646 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 383 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bootlegm0NESY | 64% | 125 |
| #2 | Lucky | 61% | 87 |
| #3 | axel | 59% | 99 |
| #4 | mrcs :> | 58% | 38 |
| #5 | aura | 57% | 202 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | mrcs :> | 58% | 38 |
| #5 | aura | 57% | 202 |
| #6 | Blu | 55% | 124 |
| #7 | Blu2 | 53% | 38 |
| #8 | your abusive stepdad | 51% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blu | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | your abusive stepdad | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | axel | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | aura | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | mrcs :> | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blu | 808 | 0.30 | 25 min |
| #2 | axel | 352 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #3 | aura | 235 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | Lucky | 205 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | your abusive stepdad | 163 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mrcs :> | +3.40 | 92 | 36 |
| #2 | Lucky | +3.25 | 90 | 51 |
| #3 | axel | +1.21 | 79 | 57 |
| #4 | aura | +1.11 | 76 | 41 |
| #5 | Vasion | +0.75 | 64 | 70 |





