








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 647 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1768 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,555 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2015 | 44% |
| Smokes | 1097 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 823 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 620 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $208,695 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 562 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zood | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | x-acto | 63% | 19 |
| #3 | Linguine | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | Textingrightnow | 58% | 152 |
| #5 | Rigatoni | 57% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Textingrightnow | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Habunda | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | TheTiddler | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | zood | 4 | 0.0179 |
| #5 | Captain Kraut | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Textingrightnow | 381 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | Habunda | 255 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | Captain Kraut | 70 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Rigatoni | 56 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | I'm Car | 35 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zood | +4.27 | 62 | 46 |
| #2 | Skrrt | +2.92 | 48 | 44 |
| #3 | I'm Truck | +1.47 | 58 | 54 |
| #4 | Habunda | +1.39 | 20 | 50 |
| #5 | Linguine | +1.08 | 61 | 54 |





