








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
190 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 587 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 70 | 12% |
| Smokes | 163 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 198 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 156 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $127,900 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | 50% | 12 |
| #6 | bryce assf | 50% | 16 |
| #7 | doo doo dick | 37% | 27 |
| #8 | reese'spuffs#kaptianjack | 33% | 3 |
| #9 | Mangos | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doo doo dick | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | 2 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | Kaine | 1 | 0.0164 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doo doo dick | 106 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | bryce assf | 44 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | 37 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kaine | 9 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | reese'spuffs#kaptianjack | 9 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slax :P | +5.96 | 79 | 38 |
| #2 | Kaine | +5.50 | 95 | 36 |
| #3 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | +3.18 | 75 | 54 |
| #4 | bryce assf | -0.05 | 61 | 37 |
| #5 | doo doo dick | -0.71 | 24 | 47 |





