








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1007 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,160 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 653 | 30% |
| Smokes | 478 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 974 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 55 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $362,499 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaine | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | Sleepyhead | 50% | 16 |
| #4 | doo doo dick | 47% | 88 |
| #5 | Monthly Showers | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doo doo dick | 6 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | 3 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | Kaine | 3 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | Sleepyhead | 2 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Monthly Showers | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | +2.64 | 75 | 47 |
| #2 | Kaine | +2.27 | 69 | 47 |
| #3 | bryce assf | -0.46 | 58 | 41 |
| #4 | Monthly Showers | -0.69 | 58 | 58 |
| #5 | doo doo dick | -0.74 | 28 | 49 |





