










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
55 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 78 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8 | 10% |
| Smokes | 32 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 16 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 22 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $7,700 of utility $56 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | jus2 | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | doo doo dick | 25% | 4 |
| #5 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | 25% | 4 |
| #6 | bryce assf | 0% | 2 |
| #7 | Sleepyhead | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doo doo dick | 1 | 0.0122 |
| #2 | Sleepyhead | 1 | 0.0161 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | 13 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #2 | doo doo dick | 9 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #3 | Sleepyhead | 4 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | bryce assf | 4 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | jus2 | 3 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jus2 | +2.41 | 69 | 62 |
| #2 | Sleepyhead | -0.43 | 28 | 24 |
| #3 | Bills Hat Flies Onto Kahns Head | -1.25 | 62 | 53 |
| #4 | Mangos | -2.08 | 61 | 30 |
| #5 | pacific shawty | -2.22 | 77 | 62 |





