








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 634 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 345 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1393 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,904 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1755 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1237 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1805 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1107 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,007,924 of utility $238 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1022 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | valeriy twinkle | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | Miggy Almiron | 46% | 101 |
| #3 | jono | 45% | 119 |
| #4 | LÜH PERC 30 ⛟ | 43% | 14 |
| #5 | valararararygayko | 41% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Bop | 40% | 20 |
| #7 | adi ! | 38% | 47 |
| #8 | nuzzi | 38% | 71 |
| #9 | butter | 31% | 32 |
| #10 | Kasper Klunkesmasker | 28% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | valararararygayko | 11 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | jono | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | valeriy twinkle | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Kasper Klunkesmasker | 3 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Miggy Almiron | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nuzzi | 265 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | Miggy Almiron | 172 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | valararararygayko | 128 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | jono | 90 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Kasper Klunkesmasker | 66 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Miggy Almiron | +3.99 | 83 | 69 |
| #2 | Bop | +0.61 | 56 | 61 |
| #3 | cheeseball | -0.02 | 71 | 59 |
| #4 | nuzzi | -0.44 | 63 | 65 |
| #5 | jono | -0.48 | 58 | 52 |





