








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 129 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 53 matches | ||
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1271 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,358 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 661 | 20% |
| Smokes | 696 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1223 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 778 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $415,931 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BTV | 71% | 38 |
| #2 | Supremeswan | 62% | 45 |
| #3 | ✪ Jak0 | 61% | 33 |
| #4 | aBS -m- | 61% | 99 |
| #5 | Fw1z | 60% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Fw1z | 60% | 43 |
| #6 | yef | 59% | 100 |
| #7 | coldoo, lord of molasses | 54% | 13 |
| #8 | dmvfelon | 47% | 19 |
| #9 | lemonfarts | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Supremeswan | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | dmvfelon | 4 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | aBS -m- | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | yef | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | ✪ Jak0 | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aBS -m- | 409 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #2 | yef | 275 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | Supremeswan | 183 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #4 | BTV | 102 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | ✪ Jak0 | 90 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aBS -m- | +1.41 | 66 | 62 |
| #2 | BTV | +1.27 | 78 | 38 |
| #3 | ✪ Jak0 | +0.76 | 72 | 62 |
| #4 | yef | +0.70 | 65 | 55 |
| #5 | ★ Handienak | +0.43 | 55 | 47 |





