










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 208 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1534 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,445 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 645 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1015 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1078 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 707 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $696,788 of utility $221 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 181 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | 3 2 1 i vomited | 57% | 14 |
| #10 | The Morbius | 50% | 10 |
| #11 | bogdan | 49% | 49 |
| #12 | KagisB | 43% | 40 |
| #13 | PuZiTe | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gamma감마 ) ) ) | 19 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | DyopeX | 8 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Certified Brain Lag | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | 3 2 1 i vomited | 3 | 0.0105 |
| #5 | Bāzēts uz kā? | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gamma감마 ) ) ) | 309 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | DyopeX | 261 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | Bāzēts uz kā? | 182 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | bogdan | 141 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | KagisB | 71 | 0.09 | 2 min |





