








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
281 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,429 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 435 | 30% |
| Smokes | 461 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 245 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 288 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $155,737 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WallNut | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | SKRRRRRRAAAAAA | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | Mohammed Lester | 52% | 29 |
| #4 | doruk1 | 49% | 39 |
| #5 | sf | 48% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sf | 4 | 0.0041 |





