








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 510 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 301 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




57 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3803 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,536 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6471 | 35% |
| Smokes | 5668 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3311 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3086 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,276,927 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 452 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tickler of Toes | 60% | 45 |
| #2 | Netscape | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | Fless77 | 58% | 62 |
| #4 | ❖JvcobG | 57% | 182 |
| #5 | BigLankyRob | 56% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | thai lady boy | 49% | 45 |
| #11 | jizzy | 46% | 97 |
| #12 | Lax | 44% | 93 |
| #13 | Posk | 41% | 34 |
| #14 | DirtMcGirt | 32% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ❖JvcobG | 13 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Fless77 | 13 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | Tickler of Toes | 10 | 0.0109 |
| #4 | jizzy | 7 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | thai lady boy | 7 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ❖JvcobG | 937 | 0.24 | 28 min |
| #2 | thai lady boy | 375 | 0.38 | 9 min |
| #3 | Noyuh | 283 | 0.52 | 8 min |
| #4 | Lax | 251 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #5 | jizzy | 182 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ❖JvcobG | +2.81 | 81 | 69 |
| #2 | Netscape | +0.96 | 69 | 53 |
| #3 | Tickler of Toes | +0.63 | 54 | 53 |
| #4 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | +0.60 | 75 | 57 |
| #5 | Dogwater | +0.39 | 63 | 61 |





