








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 110 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1368 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,841 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 536 | 19% |
| Smokes | 431 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 1059 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 815 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $695,051 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 225 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | 58% | 62 |
| #2 | BigLankyRob | 53% | 32 |
| #3 | ❖JvcobG | 50% | 181 |
| #4 | Tickler of Toes | 45% | 96 |
| #5 | PUGGY | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tickler of Toes | 21 | 0.0108 |
| #2 | ❖JvcobG | 15 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | 14 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | BigLankyRob | 5 | 0.0072 |
| #5 | PUGGY | 5 | 0.0108 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ❖JvcobG | 1054 | 0.28 | 32 min |
| #2 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | 319 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #3 | Tickler of Toes | 248 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | BigLankyRob | 109 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | kisskissbang | 93 | 0.14 | 3 min |





