








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
131 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 14 | 5% |
| Smokes | 80 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 59 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 105 | 41% |
Our logs show you have wasted $86,308 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J0e_mama | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | slepačí džokej | 31% | 16 |
| #3 | ГОСПОДИН КОЛьЦОВ | 29% | 21 |
| #4 | SimoniNb | 29% | 21 |
| #5 | Sliperry | 27% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J0e_mama | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | slepačí džokej | 31% | 16 |
| #3 | ГОСПОДИН КОЛьЦОВ | 29% | 21 |
| #4 | SimoniNb | 29% | 21 |
| #5 | Sliperry | 27% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sliperry | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | ГОСПОДИН КОЛьЦОВ | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | slepačí džokej | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SimoniNb | 95 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #2 | ГОСПОДИН КОЛьЦОВ | 56 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | Sliperry | 54 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | slepačí džokej | 26 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | J0e_mama | 7 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SimoniNb | +11.61 | 76 | 66 |
| #2 | ГОСПОДИН КОЛьЦОВ | +1.41 | 27 | 62 |
| #3 | Sliperry | -3.22 | 18 | 38 |
| #4 | J0e_mama | -3.63 | 41 | 37 |
| #5 | Žaty | -5.17 | 7 | 13 |





