










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 903 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 310 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 112 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5094 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,287 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4635 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4425 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3929 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3298 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,048,420 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 351 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pain brioché | 51% | 155 |
| #2 | Doums | 49% | 175 |
| #3 | Pain béni | 48% | 202 |
| #4 | Ez | 47% | 133 |
| #5 | VeAir | 37% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pain brioché | 51% | 155 |
| #2 | Doums | 49% | 175 |
| #3 | Pain béni | 48% | 202 |
| #4 | Ez | 47% | 133 |
| #5 | VeAir | 37% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pain béni | 27 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | pain brioché | 20 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | VeAir | 16 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | Doums | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Ez | 6 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pain béni | 686 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #2 | Doums | 566 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #3 | VeAir | 499 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #4 | pain brioché | 373 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #5 | Ez | 151 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crazy Secret Baron | +2.26 | 70 | 73 |
| #2 | Ez | +1.39 | 72 | 48 |
| #3 | Pain béni | -1.04 | 40 | 59 |
| #4 | pain brioché | -1.36 | 58 | 51 |
| #5 | Doums | -1.66 | 64 | 64 |





