








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 102 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1887 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,597 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3280 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2932 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1908 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1477 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $232,203 of utility $45 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gloofy | 54% | 54 |
| #2 | Pain béni | 41% | 140 |
| #3 | pain brioché | 40% | 77 |
| #4 | Ez | 39% | 99 |
| #5 | Crazy Secret Baron | 37% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Pain béni | 41% | 140 |
| #3 | pain brioché | 40% | 77 |
| #4 | Ez | 39% | 99 |
| #5 | Crazy Secret Baron | 37% | 120 |
| #6 | Doums | 36% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pain béni | 22 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | pain brioché | 13 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | Crazy Secret Baron | 10 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Ez | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Gloofy | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pain béni | 481 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | Crazy Secret Baron | 349 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #3 | Gloofy | 269 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #4 | Doums | 244 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #5 | pain brioché | 226 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crazy Secret Baron | +3.03 | 72 | 72 |
| #2 | Ez | +2.20 | 71 | 47 |
| #3 | Gloofy | +0.10 | 58 | 65 |
| #4 | Pain béni | -0.88 | 42 | 59 |
| #5 | pain brioché | -1.24 | 51 | 52 |





